Tonight I attended the Dance Company concert, which was utterly beautiful and breathtaking and mesmerizing. But I thought about my senior friends and how this was their last concert. I realized that in 2 weeks I will have my last orchestra concert, how much time I have spent with those people. How much time I have spent with Mrs. T.
This last Tuesday was my last Davis Youth Symphony Performance. After 4 years of involvement with that symphony it was over with a bang and a goodnight. This time next year the three amigos will have gone their separate ways, well sorta. Caleb will be on a mission somewhere. and Jessica and I will be up at Utah State doing who knows what, but definitely still playing our cellos. I got a bit misty eyed as I thought about it. I'm going to miss Wayman. I'll miss our bets on how late the guys will be. I'll miss the fabulous music. I'll miss the inside jokes. I'll just plain miss Davis Youth. It's been there for me for a long time. It started with tears of bitterness and hurt and inadequacy in ninth grade, and ended with tears of laughter, memories and beautiful music as a senior.
I think of Debate. EW. the whale. I will not apologize for my tone. Leonard. Tuna. Little Boy. Little Schick. Mama Kitty. that ended almost two months ago. And that was closing a huge chapter of my life. Debate has literally been my life from the minute I opened the door to Ms. A's classroom as a little sophomore. Carissa and I would debate and I would spend hours researching and looking up stats and writing our cases. my table has been covered with documents numerous times. I remember the joy I felt as we secured the decade of dominance as a team at region my sophomore year . . . but I also remember the tears I shed when we didn't even get in the top ten at region my sophomore year. The only tears I ever shed at a debate tournament until state my senior year. I remember the constant disappointment as we barely didn't place tournament after tournament after tournament. I remember the absolute joy as we tied for first at region our junior year and the rock paper scissors game that determined our destiny for 2nd place and beating the best team. I remember National Qualifiers my sophomore year when we didn't think we would make it even to the second day, but we did. and we kept on going and winning, and then taking second alternate. The stars surely did align ever so nicely. and We went the distance. I remember my internal debate that waged for months as I tried to decide to leave PF and go to FX. I remember late night conversations with Taylor and Ashley weighing the pros and cons. and eventually deciding my heart lay in FX and world events. I remember region my senior year as I placed first in FX. and I remember staring at Ms. H with wonder in my eyes as we secured the region trophy for a miraculous 12th time. I remember grabbing Carissa's hand as we went to collect the trophy we had worked so hard as captains to gain. I remember National Qualifiers. How I got out right before the final round, and the disappointment was real. But then how I received the National Forensics League District Student of the year award. I remember state and the heartbreaking disappointment that led to one of my only very public breakdowns and a state of utter physical exhaustion.And it's all over. there's no next year to look forward to. It's really over.
I've watched the senior officers plan for the senior assembly. Pass the mantle on to the new officers. Choose the new senior class president. I've heard them give their speeches for graduation (in their roughest form). Watching them brings a very melancholy and reminiscent feel. because we're leaving. The class of 2014 is on its way out. We're passing on the torch to a very capable class of 2014, but it's still so very hard. We are, I am, a part of the 100th graduating class of Davis High School. We are its history, but the future is ours.
I find myself looking at the faces all around me at school and thinking I will never see half of these people again. and how sad is that. How utterly sobering. These people I have grown up with, with whom I have spent 12 and 13 years with. I might never see again.
I'm not a physically emotional person but as I sit here and spill my thoughts onto paper, I have tears dripping down my face. and why? because a chapter of my life is coming to a close. Am I ready for this to end? Am I ready to move on to greater things? Can I become those greater things I need to become? I don't know.
And that scares me.
I'm who I am to today, because I knew you. Those people all around me. to numerous to name. Those I will be walking across the stage with on May 30. Those I will be passing in the halls from now until then. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
My brain doesn't want to shut down and let these worries be. But if I don't the worry will consume me and then where will I be? an actionless lump of protoplasm.
And so I look forward, take one day at a time. Until the day when I won't walk the halls of Davis High anymore. The day I say farewell to all my high school friends and look to the new horizon. The one called College, a Job and real Life.
Because I have a purpose. I just need to figure it out.
