The First week on Campus, Oh wait that's not true

Okay, so we really haven't made our way to classes and such yet, but we have indeed started living in Logan and OH my gosh, working and and and. It's all new, all amazing, what am I gonna do when school actually starts? cuz right now I feel busy, well in the evenings anyway, the days haven't been so hoppin'.

I can't believe we've actually lived here four days, It feels like much longer. Much, much longer. I can't believe it. My mom is not in the next room to help out with whatever emergency it is. My dad is not there to solve all my problems and help me pay for college bills. It's a very strange feeling, but I am managing. Mostly.

Already I've made friends, at work and a little on campus. Mandi is a coworker who is absolutely awesome, but more on her later:)

Jess and I spent our first full day here on campus trying to figure out where classes were and getting my textbooks and other important things like that. Can I just tell you something? Textbooks are NOT cheap. AT ALL. If I didn't have scholarships then I would be crying at how much these 6 textbooks cost! and I got all the used ones I could! but I have my textbooks at that is so exciting it's not even funny. I'm looking forward to astronomy, and International relations and U.S. Government, You don't even understand. I am so a Political Science Major. Don't even worry 'bout it.

After getting textbooks we decided to find classes. Most of mine are in Old Main. So we played absolute freshmen and took pictures of that beautiful building and its iconic 'A'. It is a beautiful building and all that it stands for. a good and even great education. To me it embodies Political science since that is where the department is. to me it symbolizes a beautiful thing: education and through education freedom. That, my friends is a beautiful thing. A very beautiful thing. Even gorgeous. and I'm waxing poetic . . . again. 

The Fine Arts building is beautiful too, and Jess is shortly to live there. It has some wonderful qualities and it just wonderful for crazy music majors ( I guess I shouldn't malign them, I once considered being one of them)

 Ice Cream Cake is an important part of College life when one roomies mom puts it in the freezer for everyone. Also it gives Deverey a crown, which is an okay thing in everyone's book

Things Learned this week

#1 Brita is the seventh and most favorite roommate

See that water, yeah it is cloudy as all get out and eventually it will settle, but until then I can see the silt and that is not okay. So the Brita water filter pitcher lives in the fridge and we all use it. It tastes better and makes me feel like I'm drinking clean water and not . . . whatever that is.




 #2 We are still children

Yes I live away from home with 5 amazing young women, but we are 18 and we don't REALLY want to grow up or be completely independent. But we have to so we still do very childish things. Like eat ice cream cake and have backyardigans cups. We also dance in the rain and stuff we don't really like the reality of being grown up, just the idea of it.







#3 Singin in the rain
is okay!! and we love it. Dancing in the rain even better. and sometimes your roommates will do it with you, but only if they are super awesome (like mine). It's okay and just fine.







#4 I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
I got the best roommates in the world. I love them already. We were up on Wednesday night till 1 am just talking and we'd only known one another for 2 days. It's been crazy, but crazy great. I've loved it. We are already super close. We girls are going to rule the world someday, without alcohol. Kenzie, LaRae, Jessica, Megan and Deverey are some of the sweetest, nicest and greatest girls and we are going to have the best townhouse you ever did know of.


 #5 I chose the right school for me.
USU is my school, I will not only make it so , but I can already feel it is so. BYU would have been a good choice, but not the best choice for me. I'm where I am supposed to be.





#6 Work is going to be a struggle
Not the job necessarily, but I don't have a car and I don't trust the Logan bus system yet cuz i don't know it, so I've been walking to and from work everyday. It's about 14 blocks to and from work. It's a struggle, but it's also a nice walk. Also I don't have to worry about that freshman 15, with all the walking and lifting I'm doing I am in no danger. I am in danger of the freshman 15 going the other direction. Work will also be a struggle because some people, customers and coworkers alike can be annoying and grate upon one's nerves, but that's okay, because I can power through.

#7 Work will also prove to be wonderful
I've already made a friend, Mandi. She's awesome and she understands and feels the same way about a certain coworker that is wonderful but overbearing. In fact tonight we had a roommate waffle party and I invite Mandi over for waffles since she lives all alone:). she did come over and we had a wonderful time, she fit right in and it was great. So yeah, coworkers and new friends are a wonderful thing!! Also walking to and from work in the rain makes for great hair (not that I have anywhere to go .. . yet).




So yeah that's the first week of college life in a very brief and by no means all inclusive summation. I'm so excited and nervous and ready to take on this adventure. tomorrow I meet the ward.

I guess I'll just have to remember that:

Because if I remember that then college will be a lot easier that I am worried it shall be. But here's to a new adventure and new growth. I'm about to start a very new path and a very new way of life. So. 

Here. We. Go.

Moving Day: Already?!?!?!

the shock is just hitting me. and it really hasn't even fully hit yet. It's okay deep breaths. I'm really not sleeping at home, or a family members home tonight. Yeah, I'm sleeping in my own townhouse just minutes off of the Utah State University Campus with one of my bestest friends just 3 feet away in her bed. GAAAHHH!! where'd the time go? I swear I was just 15 and starting out with the whole high school thing. and now we're entering an entirely different sphere: College. 

Trying to fit your life into just half a room and maybe a little bit of kitchen space is quite the feat. let me tell you. Jessica and I have been swamped in boxes all day. and we are all done ow at 10 o'clock at night. . . . until something else needs to be fixed or rearranged or we need something in boxes in the top of the closet. Yup such is the life of this new college freshman. and School hasn't even started yet. 

But work has. My first job. at a new department store that's going into the Cache Valley Mall. Herberger's. It's going to be a beautiful when we finish with it. We are literally building from the ground up. We build the racks, the trolleys and all things with wheels. We opened boxes and bags and piles. And now we are starting to put in the merchandise. It is an exciting experience!!! It will be a beautiful store. and I get to be in the most exciting and different department: Home. I'm looking forward to it. 

Anyway. the next challenge is to get textbooks and pay the remainder of my rent. Here we go. 

I Stand

I stand
Mesmerized by the ebb and flow
Caught in the dying amber rays.
Cast in shadow, outlined in flame
I feel the chill wet cling to my ankles
And smell the brine upon the air
I fill my lungs
As I stand
Frozen by the dying sun
Bound by the grandeur in simplicity

Missionaries!! Well the first couple

I have the great opportunity of associating with some great young men who are all starting to leave and I feel like I have to say something about them even though they aren't quite all gone yet, but I have to start now while the ideas are still trying to get out.

The first missionary to leave was Jonathon Downs. He was an SBO, but left right after Prom. It was a shock for everyone to have someone graduate early and leave for Kansas. He has been a great missionary.Word to the wise: it is hot in Kansas and chicken spoils easily and fast. Favorite quotes from his farewell: "I will not let what I do not know stand in the way of telling what I do." "God doesn't call the prepared, he prepares the called."

Yup we are weirdos

The first missionary who left after graduation, wasn't around very long after graduation, but he and I have been very close.Daniel Garrett was in Orchestra with me and the quartet we put together senior year, and my prom date senior as well. So needless to say; we are pretty close. And he was the first of my friends to leave. That was hard. He is such an amazing guy, for reals. He is always trying to make sure that everyone feels included and that everyone knows the pure joy of the gospel. He is a music nerd, no other way to put it. Loves singing, viola and just plain music. He is going to be a phenomenal missionary in Daejeon, South Korea. Favorite quote from his farewell: "Missionary service requires all of you." "Missionary work is a labor of Love"

Then the same day was David Teuscher's (Russia/Kazakhstan) farewell and he left, that was also interesting. We weren't really close, but his constant faithfulness has been an inspiration. And, not gonna lie, I've been jealous of his smarts. Favorite quotes of his farewell: "We will make mistakes but through the atonement we can fix them" "You can be anxiously engaged by yourself for a time, but if you don't rely on Christ you cannot endure to the end"

In the meantime, some before, some after, Kirsten Anderl (Mexico, Torreon), Kylie Madsen (Manchester, England), Liz Ashby (New York, New York), and Jaqui Pectol (San Antonio Texas Mission). Kirsten is a phenomenal missionary as well. Farewell quote: "The Atonement is a precious gift I want to use every single day of my life".  Kylie Madsen is serving already as well and England is lucky to have her. Farewell quote: "Have faith in our Heavenly Father that he knows us and our needs" Liz Ashby had her farewell awhile ago but due to knee surgery once, and then later a need for a second, she has not yet left, although she is ready:) Farewell Quote: "We have a limited perception and Christ has a broad perception". Jaqui is a phenomenal missionary serving in Texas. Farewell Quotes: "the choices I make matter because my divine destiny and my actions do make a difference" "Life is hard because now is the trial of our faith" "Not all trials are bad in life"

Elder Watkins is in the green
jacket as the officers planned
something on St. Patty's day

Then today a missionary gets set apart who has been a blessing in my life because of his testimony. Braden Watkins never has failed to share with someone, something. He has shared his testimony through his actions, and the people of the Washington Kennewick mission will be truly blessed. Farewell quotes: "Sharing the gospel is simply a matter of showing who we are, a son or daughter of God, every day of our lives" "Do we show others how great we are or how great God is?" "I do not doubt because my Mom knows it" He will be wonderful and will do many great and wonderful things.

Ambree, Sarah, Jake, Me, Casey

Sarah, Jake (aka crazies)

Jacob Hogan is another missionary who has blessed my life immensely. He never fails to include people and thank then and just be happy for them. He is a talented singer and doesn't hesitate to share his talents and his beliefs. Funnily enough he and Elder Garrett will both be going to the South Korea Daejeon mission. Elder Hogan will also be a phenomenal missionary. he is very gregarious and is the type of person people love to talk to. the musical number at his farewell was sung by 4 soon-to-be missionaries and one in-a-year missionary, Elder Watkins and Elder Hogan included. They sang The Spirit of God and then he gave his talk and then the closing hymn was God be with you till we meet again. Not a good choice! The girls around me started crying, and I won't lie, a tear or two leaked out of my eye. Later we found out he chose that hymn. Well that was kind of dumb:) Farewell quotes: "Like the stripling warriors we will not come out of our life battle without wounds, even though we are strong" "When we pray God often reminds us of what we already have." "One day we will feel the love of God and know that he is there."

And to date the final missionary is Elder Jake Merrell who will be going to the New York, New York South. he will also be great and is one of those missionaries who is always ready to share, so that's great. Farewell quote: Are we ready now to lose ourselves in he work and spread the gospel?

I love missionaries. Today I had the opportunity to attend the temple and while there I was confirmed by a young man I know. Kawika Tupola (not sure that's spelled right, but I tried) was in my seminary class last year and was at the temple with friends. Nomi and I went to the temple and were put into their confirmation room. It was a special experience knowing that just a month and a half ago I had graduated with this young man and now he had the power to confirm me in the temple. He was with two other endowed young men who I knew and it was indeed powerful to see the younger men baptize and confirm in the temple.

How blessed I am to live in a state where temples are so abundant and I have the opportunity to associate with so many faithful young men!

#spreadthespiritweek

I have some awesome friends, like really awesome and super spiritual. and this last week they decided it would be awesome to do a #spreadthespiritweek on instagram and facebook. I also had the chance to join them and the opportunity to make my faith stronger was awesome. 

So Monday I was hesitant I didn't really know if I wanted to be a part of this challenge, but I did not and today I do not regret it. I decided to put all my posts in one place so I can remember them. and Hopefully someone might come across this someday and it will help them.

Monday:
4 years ago I heard this at trek. Ever since then in some of my hardest times I have heard it in my head, not quite knowing where I heard it first. This last week I had the opportunity to bring it back to trek with a little bit of help from Maddie Hadley and others. I am so grateful for its message and the knowledge that I truly am never alone because I have Him to rely on. He keeps me going when times get tough. And He will ALWAYS be there #motivationalmonday #imjoiningthechallenge psst: go listen to the song "I Never Stand Alone" by Steven Kapp Perry

Tuesday:
If we are treating our bodies as the temples they are everywhere we go is a holy place #standyeinholyplaces #andbenotmoved #templetuesday #spreadthespiritweek

Wednesday:
Perhaps that is why I love music more than anything. There are many times when the spirit cannot be denied because it was presented through a song or music. #WordsofWisdomWednesday #spreadthespiritweek #musicislife

Thursday:
Today I am thankful for laughter, Joy, forever families, the gospel, baptisms, cousins who make the right choices, and my Savior. All of which are represented in this picture. #thankfulthursday #spreadthespiritweek #jjstoleisaaksglasses #atjoshsbaptism

Friday:
I love this quote with all my heart. It's one that gets me through the hard times. I know for a fact that he will always put solid ground beneath my feet if I am willing to put forth some effort and step out. At times he may let me fall a bit before giving me the solid ground, but that is so I may become stronger, and my sure footing will come. #faithfulfriday #spreadthespiritweek

Saturday:
Service, I guess, doesn't come from a store, service is something just a little bit more. service doesn't have to be large in fact it can be as little as smiling. Or letting a little one hit you with your hat. It can be helping them eat a popsicle, or letting them steal your glasses. You don't have to go far away to serve. You can serve at home or in your families. Service isn't about you, it's about others, but you will find happiness for you in doing service #servicesaturday #spreadthespiritweek #familyisfabulous

Sunday:
This is my Savior. If you don't know him, I invite you to learn of him and come to be his best friend. Because he is mine, and he has saved me, comforted me and loved me. I know that he suffered for my sins, and thank heaven for that! I know that he lives. I know that I have a Heavenly Father who lives and loves me. I am so thankful for the gospel in my life and the light it brings. I know that I can be with my family forever and I get to live after this life. I know the Book of Mormon is the most correct of any book. I am so thankful to have it in my life. And finally I know that Joseph Smith restored the true gospel and President Thomas S. Monson is the true and living prophet on the earth today. #shareyourtestimonysunday #spreadthespiritweek


this week has really blessed my life and increased my love of the Savior. I love this gospel and am so thankful for friends who allow me and provide opportunities to change. 

First College Adventure

That's me and my coolio roommate

So I have a wonderful friend. And we play the cello together. I know how fun. But we were at our last concert together in April when I decided to be an Aggie and we decided that since neither of us had a roommate yet  we would try to room together. Well 2 months later we are indeed rooming together, off campus, but rooming together. And we are both super psyched, you don't even know.

But last Wednesday we decided to get together and start our college adventures . .. after doing some great kitchen planning. so Ogden has this gret jazz night where a jazz band just plays jazz music. So we just decided to go up and listen to some jazz music. But we got there super early so we wandered down 25th street.

We were walking down and there was this crazy guy who was shirtless with a beer belly and a pepsi can, we are pretty sure now that he was drunk. but he kinda hit on us and it was really freaky and creepy. But we survived by walking super fast past him. At the end of that street there is a pizza place called Lucky Slice. They have a real piano out on the street so we sat down to mess around. Jessica played a little bit and then she and I did some Jazz improv, which was so much fun. We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. We finally decided to go back to the jazz night and when we stood up and walked away these young men who were with their dad eating dinner outside started catcalling and applauding. It was something else. To say the least. . .

The Jazz night was cool too, it was a drummer a bass and a guitar and the percussionist could sing. They were really laid back and making up the set list as they played, it was a lot of fun to listen to them. they played some great jazz standards like "Fly me to the Moon" and some that we didn't know, but it was still awesome and if we hadn't gone to that we would not have known about the fact that the Ogden Chamber Orchestra was playing that night and that would have been a complete shame.

So we left jazz night early and got ourselves to the Ogden Amphitheater where this group was playing. and they were just starting. After the first piece the conductor stopped to introduce the second piece. I knew the piece from the first couple words he said, he talked about how it was a contemplative piece that rose to a climax and then ended with a silence. and then he said Samuel Barber's name and then I probably hurt Jessica because I was super excited about the whole thing because it was my favorite piece they were going to play . . . Barber's Adagio for strins. and I fangirled about it, real bad. in fact I sent my mom a text that read: Um, they JUST PLAYED BARBERS ADAGIO FOR STRINGS AKA MY FAVORITE CLASSICAL PIECE IN THE ALL OF EVER!!!!! I had a fangirl moment. 

So yeah I was pretty excited

. 

We left that a little early too and decided to go back to Jessica's and watch the Kiera Knightley Pride and Prejudice. But on the way home we had to karaoke to Les Miserables it was almost a requirement. And both of us have rather low voices, Jessica's is decidedly lower than mine, but it's not much of a stretch for either of us to sing like the males in that musical, and so much fun besides. So Looked Down and sang to the Stars and faux played the cello when they had the cool cello sections. and you all have to be jealous of us because it was something else. 

Faux Cello (At a stoplight, she's not being dangerous)

So we went to Jessica's and had ice cream and watched some P&P. and both complained about Collins and Lady Catherine and tsked at Lydia. it was a wonderful close to our first college adventure.

Selfie cuz we can 

Cool piano by Union Station

AP Results are Here

Yes, yes they did come out on Saturday and I am writing about them today, but I am honestly so full of emotion that I have to say something!!!

This year I took 5 tests, and that about killed me off. Can I tell you a little bit about test week?

It went a little something like this:

My first test took place on Monday afternoon May 5, 2014. It was Psychology. I was so prepared for that test you have no idea. I love the topic and I studied HARD. I was ready. In fact Mack and I were goofing off before the test we were so ready. we had these little shells that looked like horns and she turns to me and goes, "Brigitte, I'm a Unicorn." with the shell up to here forehead and I grab mine and put it to my nose "Well I'm a Narwhal". Yeah, just a bit pumped and slightly slap happy. But then the test was easy. It really was. It didn't do a lot with chemicals,which I had studied religiously to get them straight. It didn't mess with the nervous system, which would have been a struggle. It left out half the names. yeah, it was easy. and then the free response, I about yelled Hallelujah. There was a stats question; easy, and the other question was just as easy. I walked out of there knowing I had done well enough to get at least a 5. and at the risk of jinxing myself, didn't say anything. But lo and behold, July 5th comes and I got a 5.

My next test was AP Literature and Composition on Thursday morning May 8, 2014. I was prepared for this one too. I spent all Tuesday and Wednesday studying works of literature. Hamlet: Prince of Denmark, Things Fall Apart, some Frankenstein; a Modern Prometheus and just to round it out I did study some Anthem. I was ready for this test. Mack and I were desk partners again, and all went well. the Multiple choice was just fine, there was a sonnet and I was mad (and about half the class was too) because they didn't ask us what kind of sonnet it was, we all knew it was Shakespearean, gah. But we all spoke too soon because the poem we had to analyze for the essay was also a sonnet, so in the end we got our sonnet and dissected it too. Our prose section wasn't half bad, and I'm pretty sure I did well on both of those. But then I read the prompt for the free response. It was about sacrifice and in that moment I wished I had studied The Metamorphosis even though I hated it with a fiery passion. it would have been perfect, but I wrote a perfectly good essay on Hamlet. How he had to sacrifice his relationship with Ophelia,  his dignity and his standards (I think, I can't remember exactly). I must have done something or everything:) right because I got a 5!!!

However I got home from the test that afternoon and didn't finish my stats assignment like I said I was going to. Instead I was feeling sick and went to sleep. Later, Mack and Katelyn came over after I had woken up and done my stats assignment. We studied some stats and then went to the review session. Where we did more stats. I got home and I went to bed because I wasn't feeling well. I woke up the next morning and got dressed to go take two tests: AP Language and Compositions and AP Statistics. I had dreaded this day all year, because 2 tests in one day? Killer. But now. I was sick on top of all that. I wasn't feeling well at all. I asked my family to pray for me, and my best friend, and I was praying like none other. I don't think I would have made it through those tests without the help of my Heavenly Father.

So AP Language and Composition, Friday morning, May 9,2014, in a down pour of rain. For the first time in a long time I actually wanted and was excited for a test. I just wanted to write those essays, because honestly, in the Language tests you get to give your own opinion and that's totally kosher. The Multiple Choice was hard though. there was a lot of it and it was dense. I spent too much time trying to decipher the first passage and by the time I got to the 5th I had to skim in order to finish before the time limit. But there was a piece from a supreme court justice about why people should vote and stuff, really I should find that because I absolutely LOVED it and wanted to spend so much time on it, but I couldn't. In fact I had people tell me later that they thought of me when they read it, isn't that so sweet?  And then we got the essays and they made my day.  The first one was about college and paying for it, I was so ready for this source one and I was even able to cite some outside sources. The Letter from Abigail Adams to her son John Quincy was a little bit more difficult, but I made it work. And then we had an essay that was all us and all about . . . CREATIVITY.  and Creativity in the school system which honestly I've actually thought a lot about. I rocked it, or at least felt that way, and my score agrees, 5!! and while sick.

The counselors were kind enough to provide lunch for those of us who would be sticking around to take the stats test. so we ate and chatted and then we went back to take the test. My headache had returned which was so yucky you can't even imagine. and I was back to feeling ill. I said a little prayer. Mack deserted me. We'd taken every test together and then Sara stole her away. but that was a-okay Hannah and I teamed up.

Ap Statistics, Friday Afternoon, May 9,2014. The multiple choice was fine, there were a couple that I struggled with but I finished kind of early and went back over and then struggled some more and then was done. I still had time to spare. One of my pencils needed sharpening, so I pulled out my sharpener near the end and was sharpening it (I couldn't decide if I was going to use pencil or pen on the FR). Anyway, as I sharpened I could see that Chelsey, who was at the table next to me, was a bit peeved at that so I stopped. She told me at break that for some reason it ticked her off and she couldn't explain it. So the Multiple choice was fine. And then we had the free response which was what I worried about anyway. And they had 2 probability and it made me mad because  they aren't supposed to have two probability!!!!!! but that was okay and the Hypothesis test was okay too, except I realized 4 days later while talking to someone about the test that I had just barely messed up the formula and I started kicking myself about that. . . oh well. the test was pretty good after all of that and I was still worried about it even if I was pleased. But  . . . and this is the score I am most proud of  . . . I got a . . . 5!!!! *Happy Dance* I got a 5 on a math test, whoot, whoot!!!

but I went home that day and crashed. That weekend was Mother's day weekend and my family had plans with both grandmas. I wasn't able to be with either of them. On Saturday I was laid out all day watching tv and sleeping. and Sunday I couldn't go to Idaho and was left home alone again sleeping and reading all day. it was a bummer. However, I was determined to go to school on Monday as I had one final AP test and the class was that day. but I got up on Monday morning and I could barely stand, I almost collapsed. Needless to say, I stayed home on Monday and by Tuesday I was sufficiently recovered to go to school. I think what happened was I stressed myself into sickness. It's called a conversion disorder, but I'm all good now.

My final test was AP Comparative Government and Politics, Friday Morning May 16, 2014. The same day as the Orchestra state festival. the multiple choice was fairly easy and I did just fine I thought. there were a few things that I worried about, but mostly it was fine. Our class is super small for AP (only 20) of us and so we took the test at the school, in the cramped library conference room. it was fine though. Then we had the free response. Some of them I looked at and thought 'whaa'. But they were mostly common sense and I was done with about 45 minutes to spare. It was the longest waiting time EVER. But I was confident in my test and I was right to be so because I got a 5, even though Carissa and I couldn't group test . . . that was a bummer.

So My AP testing is all over and done. I am so happy with my straight 5's (though that was just this year). of my 8 AP tests I am proud to say that I have only one 4 to my name, and I am proud of it as well. I mean it was BC Calc, I was happy I freakin' past that test.

I am so grateful for my prayers being answered, because without His help I never would have made it through AP Lang and AP Stats. I would have collapsed or failed, but I did neither and I have the college credit to show for it. Whooooohoooooo!!!!

Thoughts, Feelings, Tears, and a new Horizon

This sense of melancholy has come over me in the past couple of days. Aside from the obvious stress as AP tests start up there is this underlying sobering sense that's made me think. April 30 was one month to the day when I will graduate. I honestly have not thought about this day in its entirety yet. I'm sure I'll be relieved to be done, but at the same time, where'd the time go?

Tonight I attended the Dance Company concert, which was utterly beautiful and breathtaking and mesmerizing. But I thought about my senior friends and how this was their last concert. I realized that in 2 weeks I will have my last orchestra concert, how much time I have spent with those people. How much time I have spent with Mrs. T.

 This last Tuesday was my last Davis Youth Symphony Performance. After 4 years of involvement with that symphony it was over with a bang and a goodnight. This time next year the three amigos will have gone their separate ways, well sorta. Caleb will be on a mission somewhere. and Jessica and I will be up at Utah State doing who knows what, but definitely still playing our cellos. I got a bit misty eyed as I thought about it. I'm going to miss Wayman. I'll miss our bets on how late the guys will be. I'll miss the fabulous music. I'll miss the inside jokes. I'll just plain miss Davis Youth.  It's been there for me for a long time. It started with tears of bitterness and hurt and inadequacy in ninth grade, and ended with tears of laughter, memories and beautiful music as a senior.

I think of Debate. EW. the whale. I will not apologize for my tone. Leonard. Tuna. Little Boy. Little Schick. Mama Kitty. that ended almost two months ago. And that was closing a huge chapter of my life. Debate has literally been my life from the minute I opened the door to Ms. A's classroom as a little sophomore. Carissa and I would debate and I would spend hours researching and looking up stats and writing our cases. my table has been covered with documents numerous times. I remember the joy I felt as we secured the decade of dominance as a team at region my sophomore year . . . but I also remember the tears I shed when we didn't even get in the top ten at region my sophomore year. The only tears I ever shed at a debate tournament until state my senior year. I remember the constant disappointment as we barely didn't place tournament after tournament after tournament. I remember the absolute joy as we tied for first at region our junior year and the rock paper scissors game that determined our destiny for 2nd place and beating the best team. I remember National Qualifiers my sophomore year when we didn't think we would make it even to the second day, but we did. and we kept on going and winning, and then taking second alternate. The stars surely did align ever so nicely. and We went the distance. I remember my internal debate that waged for months as I tried to decide to leave PF and go to FX. I remember late night conversations with Taylor and Ashley weighing the pros and cons. and eventually deciding my heart lay in FX and world events. I remember region my senior year as I placed first in FX. and I remember staring at Ms. H with wonder in my eyes as we secured the region trophy for a miraculous 12th time. I remember grabbing Carissa's hand as we went to collect the trophy we had worked so hard as captains to gain. I remember National Qualifiers. How I got out right before the final round, and the disappointment was real. But then how I received the National Forensics League District Student of the year award. I remember state and the heartbreaking disappointment that led to one of my only very public breakdowns and a state of utter physical exhaustion.And it's all over. there's no next year to look forward to. It's really over.

I've watched the senior officers plan for the senior assembly. Pass the mantle on to the new officers. Choose the new senior class president. I've heard them give their speeches for graduation (in their roughest form). Watching them brings a very melancholy and reminiscent feel. because we're leaving. The class of 2014 is on its way out. We're passing on the torch to a very capable class of 2014, but it's still so very hard. We are, I am, a part of the 100th graduating class of Davis High School. We are its history, but the future is ours.

I find myself looking at the faces all around me at school and thinking I will never see half of these people again. and how sad is that. How utterly sobering. These people I have grown up with, with whom I have spent 12 and 13 years with. I might never see again.

I'm not a physically emotional person but as I sit here and spill my thoughts onto paper, I have tears dripping down my face. and why? because a chapter of my life is coming to a close. Am I ready for this to end? Am I ready to move on to greater things? Can I become  those greater things I need to become? I don't know.

And that scares me.

I'm who I am to today, because I knew you. Those people all around me. to numerous to name. Those I will be walking across the stage with on May 30. Those I will be passing in the halls from now until then. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

My brain doesn't want to shut down and let these worries be. But if I don't the worry will consume me and then where will I be? an actionless lump of protoplasm.

And so I look forward, take one day at a time. Until the day when I won't walk the halls of Davis High anymore. The day I say farewell to all my high school friends and look to the new horizon. The one called College, a Job and real Life.

Because I have a purpose. I just need to figure it out.

The Power of One

The power of one voice is allowing those around to stand strong and live in remembrance of their values. The power of one voice to raise the masses in protest or peace. The power of one voice to proclaim truth like a clarion call. One Voice has the power to accomplish so much, if only it is released and let to shine on. One leads to two, leads to three, leads to 10 leads to 50 leads to 100 leads to millions. One has the power to accomplish anything. One has the ability to affect just one other. The power of one is not to be sniffed at or cast aside. The power of one is immeasurable.

Esther was One.

Christ was One.

Noah was One.

Lehi was One.

Joseph Smith was One.

Thomas S. Monson was One.

Abish was One.

(Your Name here) was One.

The power of Just One is infinite. So raise your voice!

Thoughts on Freedom

Recently a quote by a social critic from the early 1900’s was brought to my attention. H.L. Mencken once wrote “The average man does not want to be free. He simply wants to be safe.” I have thought a lot about this concept. Because I feel freedom is something that is so innately important to every person everywhere. But it is true, that at times we give up a measure of our freedom in order to feel some measure of safety, no matter how small. 

Just think about it. Sometimes we do give up freedom in order to feel safe. This happens all the time in modern America. We give up some freedom, the freedom of speech, or the freedom to have all our money to ourselves, in order to gain something from our government, such as government programs who help those who can’t help themselves.  In a more extreme example, those who lived within Soviet Russia gave up a full measure of their freedom, for the safety of the government providing them with pretty much everything. 

An even more current example of this would be modern Egypt. 3 years ago when the Arab spring set in all over the Middle East, Egypt overthrew its dictatorial regime and put in place a more democratic government. Muhammad Morsi was the democratically elected president of this country and they seemed to be moving toward for democratization. However, throughout his presidency Morsi slowly began to take some powers for himself, and the government was looking to turn more dictatorial again. The Egyptian people did not like that and rose up once again, throwing Morsi out of office and instead put in place a Militaristic regime. This Militaristic regime is a little more restricting of freedom, but they are the safe choice for the Egyptian people. So to some small extent, people do tend to favor safety over freedom, and the Egyptians seem to feel this is the best course of action. 

But for the large majority of the world, at least in my observations, people tend to value freedom over their own safety. 

The United States has seen this most poignantly in the National Security Agency scandal. It was revealed in just the last year that the NSA is gathering metadata from cellphones and other wireless devices. Through this metadata they have the ability to look at texts, and emails. The great majority of the collected data isn’t even looked at. The NSA scans for target words that could show terrorist activities. Through this method the NSA has been able to stop over 50 terrorist attacks, that we know of. But the American people are very much opposed to this. Although it leads to their safety, they don’t really care, they want their freedom. Many say this violates their fourth amendment rights, those of safety from unwarranted searches and seizures. So in the case of so many Americans, they value their sense of freedom far above the safety that could be afforded them. 

On a global basis there are other things going on that show people value freedom over safety. In Thailand there are major protests going on right now. Opposition forces have all but stalled the capital of Bangkok. They’ve halted government workings, and the streets of Bangkok are quiet. The Prime Minster, Yingluck Shinawatra, had to issue a state of emergency for the city just so they could get protestors off the streets. What is at the root of this? Yingluck’s older brother Thaksin, who served as Prime Minister previously. They do not approve of him, or his ways of running the country, and although they have driven him out, they want every last vestige of his legacy gone. That includes Yingluck, and she’s not backing down. These men and women are putting their safety on the line to fight for their freedom. 

Ukraine is in a similar situation. There are protesting their government as well. Their prime Minister has also fled, although he still claims to be prime Minister of the country. Russia stands on the sidelines like a cat ready to pounce upon the poor country. All these people want is freedom to live their lives without too much government intrusion. The death toll is approaching 100 people, and the main city center of Kiev is in ruins. These people have thrown aside their safety for something they feel is more important, Freedom. 

So is H.L. Mencken correct? Does the average man want to be safe more than he wants to be free? Who is this average man of which he speaks? There is no average man, unless he makes himself average by lack of education or because he does not try anything new. Every man is unique and every man thinks differently. We are unique and different human beings. We do not live to be the same or average. Average is a nebulous term, one that does not mean what we think it means when extended to everyone. No one is ordinary, no one is average. We simply think we are. 

To some extent Mr. Mencken may be correct. In today’s society there may be a few that favor safety over freedom. However, the vast majority seem to value their freedom over their own safety. 

In Philadelphia there is a square called Washington square, a monument that is place in the center of that square says this: “Freedom is a light for which many men have died in darkness.” How true this is though. So many men and women worldwide have given up their safety and even their lives simply so they themselves or their posterity can be free. Safety is one of the basics of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but Maslow may not have accounted for the need for freedom in his pyramid. Because for many Freedom comes before personal safety. 

Here in America we sometimes don’t realize this because we do live such blessed lives. Many of us don’t have to worry about where the next meal will come from. We don’t have to worry that the next time we step outside our front doors we will be caught in the crossfire of two opposing forces. We have freedom and safety in nearly equal measures. But for those outside of those countries we might label “First World” They do have to worry about those things. For these individuals often freedom ranks above safety. 

Freedom to those individuals is worth fighting for. It’s worth dying for. It’s worth the pain, and the anguish. Freedom is worth it all, because in the end what else really matters? The fight for freedom has existed since the beginning of time. It’s something people cherish, and work for.

It’s something worth fighting for.